Here's my two cents: I grieve the loss of my miscarried child (my own eggs, naturally conceived) and will always wonder who that person would have been. I am somewhat comforted by my own notion that miscarried babies are angels called back to heaven. God takes the "best ones" back.
I mark the child's expected due date in my heart, and make time for myself to reflect on that child. I have two sons (twins), conceived using an anonymous donor. I love them more than life itself and cannot imagine that I could possibly love another baby more. When they were born, I frequently described the first month or two (when many moms say life is hell) as "heaven on earth." I recognize that these children do not share my genes - but I wanted a healthy child much, much more than I wanted a child to whom I was genetically related. Our RE put our chances of having a child using my eggs and IVF at 10%. At my age (43), there was a 1 in 30 chance that our child would be born with a major genetic defect. During my DE pregnancy, we chose not to do any pre-natal diagnostic testing (such as amnio or CVS) since we felt confident in the donor's good health. While I might have had wonderful, healthy, happy child using my own eggs- I would not have had my two sons. And I simply cannot imagine life without them.
They will have questions as they grow - and I will do my best to answer them.
from MVED: October 5, 2005
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Eileen - just wanted to say how much I enjoy your writing. I am a fellow NVPOMer, and you may not know who I am but I've enjoyed your posts on the group listserv and delighted to peek in on your blog now ;-) We have similarities, of being around the same age, I also have DE twin boys, and they will be 4 in April so are close to the age of yours. anyhow, just wanted to say 'hello' so I don't feel like a 'stalker' reading your blog anonymously- hehe!
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