Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Crying it out - I am a sucker

From February 2008 in reply to the periodic battle that arises over crying it out:

I’m a sucker for my twin boys, and always have been. I tried CIO once and it nearly broke my heart.

Against all advice, I routinely nursed my children to sleep until they were 26 months old. My husband and I love to snuggle up with my boys, and always have – to hear their gentle breath, to touch their soft skin and to feel their warmth. Now that they are 3+, one of us still snuggles with them before nap time or evening sleep, often staying with them until they doze off and we can gingerly place them in our loving arms and carry them to their cribs. We sit together in soft light, listening to the sound of the same beautiful music that we have heard thousands of time since their birth. I often think about the time in the not too distant future when they will be so much less open to the special closeness we now share. I think about what their hands will look like when they are men, and how their voices will change. I am so often the beneficiary of the sweetest kisses in my cheek, with the kindest words I’ve ever heard: Mama, you are a good woman. I will love you always and forever. You are my heart, and I am yours.

We will have no more children, and someday there will be no more lullabies. What will linger for me is the magical time that we have shared. And should we find ourselves someday burying one or both of my children in some godforsaken chain of events, I will never regret the time I’m given them. And should I die before I am ready – and they are ready to lose me, my husband can tell my sons, Your mama heard you, and she came to you. She held you – you are in her heart, and she in yours. She will love you, always and forever.

As an addendum - I cannot say how much I love lying with my boys, cheek to cheek on a cramped loveseat in their room, as they share their memories of the day and the fantastical things they are in the process of dreaming up. It is, by far, my favorite part of each day.

1 comment: said...

What a nice idea..your blog is lovely.